Nigel at work

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Nigel at his desk. It's not his red nose, Nigel destroys such frivolous items

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What Nigel's screen looks like when he isn't composing rants.


There is a lot of wasted space behind Nigel's computer. He could fit a lot of Altoids tins in there.

Nigel has a down to earth mobile phone. It's the size of a couple of O\zon tins.

At work Nigel can be relied on to come up with the perfect solution to your Access or Excel predicament. He can help even with simple mathematics. Sometimes however he can be facetious when asked to solve something he considers superfluous.

Consider one such response to a request for help:

I'm on the case. But I do have a backlog of projects at the moment:

- I'm writing a custom Excel function to add the contents of two cells together - Frankly, the "+" key makes me shudder - and I can't work out how to implement this in Assembly code. 

- I really, really need a script to shut down the computer from the Powerpoint toolbar. Some presentations simply demand an extreme termination option.

- The "Boldface" option in Word isn't fast enough. I have an idea for a VBA script calling a FOURTRAN script running on a windows emulator on a Linux box in Uzbekistan...

- I have concluded that the optimum solution to the spyware problem would be to write my own web browser in LOGO.

Nigel hates the Microsoft Assistant, basically because he hates being told how to do something he wasn't trying to do.


In fact Nigel loathes Microsoft so much that he desecrated the keyboard they lovingly constructed for him.