|Terms and Conditions|
We are all under siege from legal weasels trying to take our rights away. Today, they will be mostly screwing you over as follows:
To ensure that these cookies reach you in perfect condition, we have ensured that each one nestles snugly in its own little space in the surprisingly large plastic tray. This is also why theyíre foil wrapped and protected by a corrugated cardboard sleeve, four sheets of 15mm marine ply, and three feet of foam rubber. If a box the size of your car contains only four bites, itís because we care.
By breaking this seal. you agree to use our software regularly and exclusively for the rest of your life; to purchase upgrades at intervals of not more than eighteen months; to refrain from expressing negative opinions about this product (just hit Ctrl-Alt-Del and deal with it); to sign over your immortal soul to this corporation; and to stop by next Tuesday and mow Bill's lawn.
Urgent! Important! Confidential! This concerns you personally! This letter was delivered to you directly from our Head Office by express courier, escorted by three Police motorcycles and a fighter jet! Postman! Please hand to the addressee personally and take a blood sample to verify their identity! Congratulations Mr, Mrs, Miss, Ms or Dr Niel Blumen! You have been personally and individually hand-selected by a real person to be offered a credit card at 35% APR! Nooooooo! Don't throw me away! Next time we'll use BLOCK CAPITALS! We mean it!
Content is packed by weight, not volume. Some settling, may occur in transit. Also the truck driver might have nicked some. And we might have made the box three times too big. Donít write and complain is what weíre trying to say here.
By logging onto this computer, you swear on the life of your first-born child that you have read, understood, memorised, and obtained appropriate legal advice on, our computer-use policy. In fact, we're relying on you if we ever lose our copy.
I swear, under penalty of perjury, serious hassle from Customs & Excise, death by lethal injection and/or unilateral military action against a small third-world country that the information I have given on this form is so true that the truth is a lie in comparison. If it turns out that I forgot to declare the free pen I got with my 1997 RAC membership renewal form as unearned income in kind, I authorise the government to seize all assets belonging to me, and/or any member of my family for three generations in either direction.
To ensure the safety of all our customers, please ensure that young children are left in a registered day-care facility not less than fifty miles away while shopping in this store.
Price indicated is for the three door grotty-little-pauper special (discontinued). Metallic paint, alloy wheels, leather trim, satellite navigation system, and roof (as shown) £17,495 extra. The fit bird in the passenger seat (as shown) is even more, but we canít help you there.
The fare quoted is exclusive of Booking Fee, Airport Taxes, Landing Fees, Takeoff Fees, and real price. Please note that customers will not be assigned a seat in advance - or possibly at all. This contract may be cancelled by us at any time up to and including the moment of check in, or in fact any time before the aircraft reaches 15,000 feet. We may, at our sole discretion, make changes to the time and/or place or departure and/or arrival, or we might decide to get out of the airline business altogether and make you walk.
Warranty void if sticker removed. Upgrading the pathetic standard specification is impossible without removing this sticker. Life sucks sometimes.
Actual product £1,995. Credit example based on seventy two monthly payments of £236.11, total credit price seventeen thousand pounds. (Thatís why we put this bit in really small print.)
Do not operate heavy machinery or make important decisions for 24 hours after using this product. Do talk to your boss while using this product. Do not play practical jokes in airports while using this product. Consumption of alcohol while using this product may cause some people to pull something theyíll regret.
These are the terms and conditions of use for Blinman.com.