Pointing out the obvious


Now that we have reached the point where we require explanations of why the stupid warnings are stupid, it is clear that our generally pleasant species is irrevocably doomed.

If you've ever watched Americans (and an increasing number of Brits) queue for 20 minutes at a drive-thru, rather than park and use the totally empty restaurant, you'll understand the root of this madness. The obsessive desire to put up with any inconvenience in order to achieve convenience (e.g. spending trillions of dollars annihilating half the third world rather than check people's bags before they get on a plane) has resulted in the sincere belief that the public should not be forced to make the effort to think about anything. This theory also explains the appalling quality of most American television comedy. We have now reached the stage where it is unacceptable to force the public to think about why warnings (which are an attempt to ensure that the public does not have to think) are absurd.

On reflection, maybe I didn't quite nail that last instruction about making people smile. For God's sake someone kick the soapbox out from under me

The email that sparked these thoughts off
(comments in brackets sic):

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity,
here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

Nigel champions rhetoric
Mr. Kilgore appears to have declared war on rhetoric - one of the most fascinating and beautiful creations of the human mind - in both the form and content of the offal vomited out below. His concern appears to be that stupid people can be manipulated by linguistic dexterity - the natural destiny of stupid people anyway. This relentless pursuit of the lowest common denominator, this instance that everyone think down to the lowest possible level, this demand that everybody should be dictated to by the least fit and most disordered members of society, is the least appealing aspect of American popular culture.

I shall now subside to a simmer.

This was Nigel's response to a summary by Luke Setzer, of the book An Introductory Logic by William J. Kilgore. Setzer claims to publish this "as a courtesy to those who have an interest in applying logic for mental self-defense and long-term prosperity and happiness."

If you are misguided enough to click on the above link to Setzer's website, you will understand Nigel's comments about him:

This man is to be more pitied than censured. It's clear that in the course of his sad career he has been bent over and dropped his trousers for The Baptists, Charles J Givens (SuperSelf), Amway, Ross Jefferies (Speed Seduction), the acolytes of Ayn Rand and probably every other muppet who ever grew fat charging $50.00 for a slim book full of upbeat clichés. This guy has deliberately and systematically fallen for every scam peddled by every piece of parasitical scum to infest our society in the last 30 years. He is, in the true sense of the phrase "not exactly a rocket scientist." Your anger is wasted on this pathetic piece of work. Try mockery.

Some easier to read humor can be found at blinman.com