In the future... blinman.com
1. You will be able to buy toasters in six packs.

Toaster 2. Exam grades and clothing sizes will both suffer Weimar Germany style inflation. The average 8 year-old will have four A Levels, but won't fit into an XXL.

3. The average married person will carry insurance against divorce

4. You will be able to get counseling to help you deal with the guilt caused by hanging up on direct marketing callers.

5. People will discover that portable video-phones often aren't a good thing.

6. Restaurants will no longer be allowed to provide "Meat Eating" areas, because of complaints that vegetarians are offended by the aromas wafting across the room.

7. Exposure to advertising will be voluntary.

8. A leader of France will suffer a mental breakdown under the strain of pretending that his country is a world power. (And he will be a "he.")

9. There will be an annual televised awards ceremony for screensavers.

10. Only poor people will pay attention to speed limits.

11. The new "Holy Roman Empire size" Mars Bar will be the only piece of confectionery that takes more than one bite to eat. It will take two.

12. People will pay money to attend bottled water tasting evenings.

13. A major motor manufacturer will launch a car with no floor. People will buy it to make themselves seem interesting.

14. Keyboards will have 275 keys. You'll still need to use Character Map for ˝.

15. A future version of MS Word will be able to automatically tone down offensive or politically incorrect language. This feature will be enabled by default.

ATM 16. Cash machines will make you sign a disclaimer before displaying your balance.

17. A new TV program will feature teams of oddly-dressed hyperactive people visiting "Ordinary members of the public" and hoovering their living-rooms against the clock. This will be presented as an exciting lifestyle option.

18. People will spend more time queuing for coffee than commuting.

19. Thames Valley University will offer a degree in choosing the best mobile phone tariff.

20. Supermarkets will figure out what to do with their loyalty card data. They'll send you special offers that say "Buy five cases of preserved lobster or we'll tell your mother that you live on Doritos and cheap lager."

21. People will realise that television screens can be too big.

22. Someone will be sent to prison for cruelty to a tamagotchi.

23. The EU will issue a directive on standard crisp packet colours for popular flavours. French snack food lovers will set fire to things in protest.

24. Apple will (briefly) be the only company in the world to sell computers in beige.

25. The fashion for cutaway collars on mens shirts will continue until the points of the collar are directly underneath the victim's ears.

26. It will be possible to buy Easter eggs on the 24th of December.

27. Someone will launch a calculator for the younger generation with the "1" key in the top left-hand corner. The buttons will be thumb-operated.

28. Cigarettes will carry warnings three times the size of the packet saying “THIS PRODUCT WILL CAUSE THE IMMEDIATE ANNIHILATION OF ALL LIFE ON EARTH.” Sales will be unaffected.

29. AAAAAA batteries will be launched. It still won’t occur to anyone to change the naming convention.

30. A senior figure in the recording industry will call a press conference to announce “We give up. Just download whatever you damn well like.” Several senior figures in the film industry will feel a sudden need for a change of underwear.


Nigel makes humorous lists about other things, such as 50 things to do before you are 30, 50 things to do with a house brick and 100 reasons Nigel is angry.

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